Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
