we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
