i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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