I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize