I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
