Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
