I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
