the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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