My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
