Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did i walk over a car last night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
