this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
