Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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