my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
