I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
