It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
