pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my liver is dry heaving
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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