I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
