im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
do nipples grow back?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
