Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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