About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just gift wrapped bread.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
