I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
