Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
