You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
