I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
