I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
