She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
