He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
