Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
