i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
