im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
