Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
