the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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