just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
