We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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