I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
