6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
3pm strippers are depressing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
