I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
