i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
