I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
