bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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