I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
