he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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