The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
