i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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