Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
