We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
