Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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