false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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