you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
