Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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