batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
