Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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