So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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