He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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