Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
