Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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