like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
