the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize