I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
