I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
