just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
