I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
