I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So many bounce houses so little time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
