6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
