how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
