Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
