im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
