i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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