i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
