Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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