Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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